not_hothead_yet

I rooted and planted three (organic) garlic and they're doing so well I decided to root three more. I've also got a sweet potato slip going. Once it has leaves I'll be planting that as well. Its pretty nifty to see stuff growing and all I'm doing is giving water and watching it happen.

all the people castigating me on Post Secret Sundays comm


-actually, I redact this entry. It just isn't that important to me...

The reason I am no longer friends with quite a few people is very simple:

They offended me more than once.
I let them know they offended me in as neutral a way as possible.
They got pissed at ME for being offended and proceeded to berate me for being offended.
They then further maligned me when I refused to engage any more.

Here's a hint:if you have upset someone you care about, I should think you would WANT to at least TRY to make rights. By deciding to attack me because I was offended, you pretty much scream that you don't care about me at all. Which makes me question the whole of our previous friendship.

I'm not saying you have to agree with me or beat your breast, or declare yourself an asshole. Just allow that if I am offended, I have a RIGHT to be offended and since you CARE about me then you want to make things right. You may end up feeling like *I* am the asshole. That's fine. Maybe I am. But I guaran-damned-tee you won't get me to apologize to YOU if you don't have the wherewithal to approach the situation in a decent respectful manner.

Have I made it clear? There are three people in particular I am thinking about here. Very specific situations. They all did something that gravely upset me - and not for the first time either - but when I expressed my chagrin, i was basically treated WORSE. So I realized we must not really be friends. Because that's not how you treat your friends.

Trust me, if in the course of our interaction, you tell me I have upset you, even if I am pissed at you, I will approach the situation with something of an olive branch if not an outright immediate apology. Because no matter how irascible I can get? I am not actually looking to piss off my friends. And I am not just flapping my gums here; I have on MANY occasions humbled myself and apologized to a friend for upsetting them. Sometimes I had no idea I was doing it and sometimes I had gone overboard. And a couple of times I was just feeling shitty and took it out on the first person to make a minuscule mistake in my presence.

And yes, as soon as they told me they were offended, I apologized. Regardless of my feelings on the subject at hand. Because my friends mean more to me than "being right". Even if I was still upset or thinking they were "wrong". Someone being wrong it not license to make them feel shitty.

Always, afterwards we have been able to work out some shit, if it was needed.

but I don't work anything out with people who dismiss my feelings outright. Fuck that. once you make it clear you have no intention of examining your behavior, we're done. DONE.

And a couple of those people? I kind of miss the friendship I thought I had with them. But I don't want them back. Because that friendship was just what I THOUGHT was there. Obviously, I was mistaken. Because friendship is not predicated upon ME putting up with abuse from someone silently. Oh hell no.

Lil Miss: This is MY trophy!
Me: What's it for?
Lil Miss: it's for ME!

J: Hey Shadow, wassup?
(cat walks by)
Lil Miss: DADDY!
J: what?
Lil Miss: Cats DON'T LIKE TO TALK!

I actually like facebook - its simple and easy to share websites, articles and news with friends. not to mention George Takei's picture memes.
But OMG every day it gets more and more soapboxy. I'm really getting fed up with it.

Yes, yes, I know, everyone's allowed to post whatever the hell they want on FB. But I'm sick of being bombarded with people's political, religious, parenting, and conspiracy views ALL THE DAMNED TIME.

I swear when I first got on there it was mostly people sharing web related stuff and posting pics of their kids. Telling funny short stories and relating basic ideas of what they are doing in their lives. Now apparently no one just LIVES any more they march around with signs screaming about pet issues.

Don't get me wrong, i've used it for pet issues occasionally too. BUT I swear to god some people spend precious hours of their life LOOKING for more shit to post about their pet issues. Now I expect that from the couple of anarcho-paranoid friends I have. Sure, they think the whole world is out to get them and enslave them or whatever so they go looking for more evidence of that. But in the last six months I've also had to "hide" the posts of people who

• post incessantly about their DOG (including videos of his "first real bark!!")
• brag about how nasty they treated someone based on their looks (they did this CONSTANTLY)
• talk about being violent against political opponents
• post nothing but zen-ish "serenity" crap and then get offended if I point out that its unrealistic advice
• find news articles about racism no matter how unsubtantiated, dated or otherwise suspect (not to mention trivial. and yes, posting about some lone 80yr old racist man who sneered at someone in church even though the rest of the WHOLE TOWN repudiates that one man is IMHO trivial. Yes, racism exists. I know there are still racist people around, especially in deep south. No shit sherlock)
• post about the ONE TRUE PARENTING (that includes the ONE TRUE PREGNANCY and the ONE TRUE CHILDBIRTH)
• post about the ONE TRUE DIET
• post about how "evil" some methodology or philosophy is when they obviously don't know ANYTHING about said
• post about the ONE TRUE VIEWPOINT on the disabled

and the worst offense of all? People who post articles/essays without actually taking a minute or two to cogitate what said piece is ABOUT. I gave up expecting anyone to cross-check the veracity of anything anymore. I appear to be one of the FEW people who do that. and even I've been fooled before and had to delete stuff. That's why I'm extra careful about posting incendiary stuff. I've gotten into more arguments with "friends" about stuff that was posted before they bothered to actually look up that shit. It's gotten OLD.

yes, I'm done with all that.

I have absolutely no love for Santorum but I REALLY EFFING HATE when he's referred to as "frothy". Its not funny. Its frickin disgusting.

I didn't like it when right-wingers gave Obama a plethora of dumb and offensive names, why would I think its okay for Santorum, a man who has children, to be called something so vile?

And that meme of his picture made up of a pastiche of pictures of gay men? Not disgusting at all but not funny either. I do not agree with the man's religious or "moral" views at all but that doesn't mean I'm going to deface his picture and/or disrespect his views in such a manner that he would be horribly offended by. Good fucknig gawd people grow up.

If you can't grow up, then don't bitch the next time right-wingers are disrespectful of some politician from 'our side'

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